Below are sayings from tee-shirts, drinking mugs or various other objects advertised in catalogs received in the past few weeks:
Men and dogs should just get used to the idea: Women and cats will do as they please.
If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me.
Don't make me use my teacher voice.
Yes, I know they pick on you at school and call you names; but, you still have to go. You're the Teacher!
I'm a Teacher. What's your super power?
Those who can, teach. Those who can't, pass laws about teaching.
Ho Lee Chit [in Orientally-stylized lettering - CC]
I am who I am. Your approval is not required.
Dads know a lot, but grandpas know everything.
Keep calm and ring Carson to bring tea.
Vulgarity is no substitute for wit.
"I am a woman...I can be as contrary as I choose." Dowager Countess from Downton Abbey
"She is too fond of books, and it has addled her brain." Louisa May Alcott
Being a family means you are a part of something very wonderful. It means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life. No matter what.
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass - it's learning to dance in the rain.
Vetustior humo [I'll let Stu translate for anyone who didn't study Latin! Some of you are not yet old enough to wear/use such a phrase. CC]
Great moms get promoted to grandmas.
Bad choices make good stories!
Queen of frickin everything
King of what's left
My child has four legs and fur
Earth without Art is just "Eh".
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
I dream of a society where a chicken can cross the road without its motives [being] questioned.
Back in my day we had 9 planets.
Titanic swim team
I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.
Don't grow up. It's a trick!
I've had my coffee. You may speak.
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
Real heroes don't wear capes. They wear dog tags.
If I can't build it, fix it, or mow it, it must not be important.
√-1 2^3 ∑ Π
I have CDO. It's like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Next time you wave, please use all of your fingers.
Things just haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister.
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.
Step aside, Coffee. This is a job for alcohol.
I tried being good but I got bored.
If zombies eat brains, you're probably safe.
World cat herding champion
Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur...Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr
I don't want to brag or anything; but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
Silently correcting your grammar. [sic]
You be Thelma: I'll be Louise.
Home of the Free because of the Brave
I've learned so much from my mistakes. I think I'll make a few more.
A wise man once said, "I should ask my wife."
Yes, it's true. I'm not on Facebook.
iTired: There's a nap for that.
Quondo omni flunkus mortati.*
If you can't stand the heat, don't tickle the dragon.
I drink coffee for your protection.
Another day with no plans to use hyperbolic geometry [I took liberties with this one. The original tees use "algebra" or "calculus". CC]
To save time, let's assume I know everything.
Resistance is not futile. It's voltage divided by current.
7 days without a pun make one weak.
Her bootlegging was illegal, but I loved her still.
A tardy cannibal gets the cold shoulder.
A backward poet writes inverse.
I regret not developing my photographic memory.
Mathematicians wear glasses to improve division.
'Tis better to have loved a short person than never to have loved a tall.
My theory on inertia has no momentum.
Grammar police: to correct and to serve
I before e except when eight feisty neighbors seize a surfeit of weighty heifers.
Keep clam and proofread.
I feel pithy, oh, so pithy.
Let's eat Grandma. Let's eat, Grandma. Commas save lives.
I'll wrap up the session with a couple of old bumper stickers.
Support your local physicist: Repeal the law of gravity! [Bumper sticker on a door in an undergraduate physics lab, circa 1961. CC]
Electricians turn me on. [Bumper sticker on my mother's car at the time of her death in 1994. You should know that my father was an electrician. CC]
* Miss Adams is spinning in her grave over this faux Latin.